Holding on for dear life
Hello Constant Reader friend,
Hm… I’m not going to hide behind the fact that I just attempted to call you ‘Constant Reader.’ See, one of my favorite authors refers to his readers as ‘Constant Reader,’ usually in the Foreword or Acknowledgments section of one of his books. And I always liked being called that. It felt like a little wink between him and me, if that makes sense.
But when I wrote it just now, it felt…phony. Tell you what, if you have an opinion on this ridiculously-unimportant-but-somehow-already-dominating-this-post idea — whether or not I should use the Constant Reader title for you — then answer the poll (which I didn’t know Substack had, so I’m mostly just interested in testing out that functionality) below and weigh in. And bonus points if you know who the author is that uses that phrase.
Something to read, watch, and listen to
Read: Adam Albrecht wrote a wonderful post assessing his job raising his firstborn as she heads to college in the Fall.
Watch: Federer gave the commencement speech at Dartmouth this year, and it’s so great. I miss that dude.
Listen: Adam Walker and I have been having fun with our new monthly podcast, Who has time to read?!, and I’d love for you to check it out.
It all started in Edinburgh in 2018
You might remember (and you will, if you’re indeed a Constant Reader…that’s right, I’m still thinking about it) that back in 2018, my wife and I took our five children (the 7mires!) and went to live in Edinburgh for the entire month of July.
We promptly fell in love with Edinburgh, and what’s not to love? The people are incredibly nice, the city looks like it belongs in a King Arthur movie, it’s not too big but also not too small, you can walk everywhere…plus there’s this thing called millionaire shortbread that shouldn’t be overlooked.
I mean, look at this photo:
The concept of spending a significant amount of time in a non-US city came to me from a few different places. I’ve read in many books, including I’m pretty sure in the massive Ben Franklin bio I read in 2020, that the best education a person can receive is through traveling and experiencing other cultures. Sounds like something old Ben would say.
I’ve also learned, through the many biographies I’ve read on my guy, Bobby Kennedy, that the Kennedy family felt it important to travel when their kids were young so that they would be competent and experienced travelers as adults. This also struck me as smart.
However, the most important reason for doing this, in my mind, was to make a significant dent in my plan to raise empathetic humans.
Hold tight for a minute while I gingerly step onto this soapbox, my 15-years-of-competitive-tennis knees not being what they used to be.
It’s my belief that the answer to just about all of life’s problems is MORE EMPATHY. The more we attempt to understand other people’s lives, the more we will seek to help solve their problems. As Terence Lester says, “Proximity changes everything.” The closer we are to something, the more likely we’ll be able to understand it. The more we understand something, the more likely we’ll care about it.
Not buying it? Why do you think so many people are passionate about fighting breast cancer and so few people are passionate about ending homelessness? We all know someone who’s fought breast cancer.
Empathy is the key to creating a just society in which people support each other, looking after those who are suffering or put down upon…it’s the key to everything, in my opinion. One simple example from my life.
Ok, dismounting the soapbox now, but I’ll leave you with a bunch more thoughts I have on the importance of empathy if you’re interested.
So, to recap, the original ideas for spending an extended period of time in a foreign country with my family were education, experience and comfortability traveling, and building empathy.
Only, as in most journeys in life, I’ve found the true benefits often reveal themselves to be completely different.
Oh, so THAT’S what this is all about…
I’ve been on lots of journeys that ended up being about something different than I originally thought.
When I was initially building Dragon Army, I thought I was building a mobile gaming company. Instead, I was building a proving ground to learn how to create purpose-driven businesses. Without which, I never would have started Purpose Group.
At first, I thought 48in48 was created to help nonprofits, but in reality, it was to help volunteers use their superpowers for good. (The origin story of 48in48 if you’re interested.)
I thought Ripples Media was simply a home for the books I was writing, but it evolved into a thriving business with a Purpose to fill the world with authentic and powerful stories to inspire positive change. (If you or someone you know has an authentic and powerful story to share, please let me know!)
And even as I write this, The A Pledge is shifting it’s focus as, three years into fighting for racial equity in the advertising industry, the business world at large has, unfortunately and all too predictably, changed its tune on DEI programs. So, that organization is also in the process of a major pivot.
If being an entrepreneur for over 25 years has taught me anything, it’s that the journey IS the destination, and true Purpose and meaning can and will shift as you’re on that journey.
Ever since that first trip in 2018, it has become apparent to me that taking the family to a foreign country for an extended period of time and, this is key, not giving them international cellular on their phones so that they are present with us, allows us to have DUFT.
DUFT = Dedicated, Uninterrupted Family Time
Ok, so the acronym needs some work, I’ll admit that. But either way, DUFT has become what I crave the most in this world. Because I know it’s not going to last much longer.
My kids are now ages 12 - 19, and it won’t be long before the oldest has a summer job or internship that prohibits him from taking these trips with us. And once that starts, it will be a slow but impending walk toward all the kids being out of the house and those long trips will be gone. Forever.
.
.
.
Man, that was hard just to write.
Deep breath…
And so, I’m holding onto these trips for dear life.
This year, we were only able to get 12 days blocked out for our DUFT (ok, I’ll drop it), and we had an amazing time traveling through London, York, Durham, and ultimately, back to Edinburgh. (Trains and buses and a few Ubers along the way, which is part of the fun.)
One final point on this: I *think* my family feels the same way I do. I know my wife does. I’m pretty sure the kids do as well because our favorite thing to do on these trips is to pack some sandwiches and blankets, find a beautiful park, and sit and read and be together for hours. When I tell my friends this, they often can’t quite believe it. “You just…sit? And read? And be together? For HOURS?!”
Yup. It’s our favorite.
Every new place we go, we are immediately on the hunt for a great park. We don’t leave the flat we rent without three things: a water bottle, a book, and a picnic blanket.
The Point
Life is short, y’all.
My advice, after 48 years of trying my best, is to spend as much time with those you love as possible. That time is both precious and fleeting.
Prioritize your loved ones and spend real time with them.
I hope you’re happy.
Recent podcasts
I produce a podcast called Begin the Begin and I co-host a podcast called Who has time to read?!. I hope you'll consider subscribing. Here are some of the latest episodes:
Who has time to read?! Episode 4: Road Trips, Reading Rituals, and Resilience
Force of Nature: A Celebration of Girls and Women Raising Their Voices (with Kate T. Parker)
Who has time to read?! Episode 3: From Carrie to Comedy: Our Reading Journey
A conversation with Mita Mallick on her new book, Reimagine Inclusion